Relationships are hard. Period.
They add a whole new plane to the balance of life. You have to guard your heart emotionally and physically. You have to spend time with friends and keep them close rather than spending all your time with the person you are dating. You have to know where the lines are in the relationship. You have to be able to communicate well. You have to be Christ-like and humble in all your actions towards them and others. You have to basically lay down your pride every single day.
I am very perceptive towards people. God blessed me with a discerning heart and an observing personality. I observe relationships. I observe how people interact, and I also look at my own experience.
These are some of the things I've seen:
Each person desires something out of the other. This expectation is the product of our language of love. Either one interprets love by touch, time, gifts, service, or affirmation. Too much of one of these can ruin a relationship and allow it to be an idol.
- Too much time can allow either person to put the other on a pedestal. This causes hurt not only within the hearts but also in other people around them. People are offended by losing their friend. Also, God is offended because someone has stolen the heart of his son or daughter that is rightly His is in the first place.
- Too much touch can cause hearts to harden and turn away from God. Future spouses feel robbed of the part of the heart that is given away physically to the previous broken relationship.
- Too many gifts can feed our pride. The girl can think she can take advantage of the guy and entice him to get her anything she wants. She's taking away money that is rightfully God's in the first place. This causes hearts to love materials rather than the Lord.
- Too much service is taking away the service we first owe to the Lord. Our hearts of service are for God, and if He asks us to bless one another then we obey.
- Too much affirmation can pierce our faith. A girl can put too much weight on what a guy promises to her. A guy can have too much faith in himself to carry through. We put our faith first in the cross, and that allows us to have faith in one another.
People always say that, "You should put God first before the relationship." I never really understood what that meant. I thought it had something to do with praying and devoting time to God. It's really not about that. It's about laying down your built up pride about yourself, even backwards pride, which is thinking that you're so undeserving that you shouldn't have the blessings given to you, and making your day about the Lord. It's about serving God with both of your hands, and not with one hand holding someone else and one hand lifted to Him. Both hands of each individual are lifted, and both encourage one another to walk in purity and service to the Lord.