"going to" is no more.

I am done with this. I am done with messing around and just talking about what I want to do in life. I AM going to do it this time. I AM strong NOW. I AM NOT "going to" do something. I AM putting my life in God's hands NOW. I AM a virtuous woman because my life is in His hands. I AM a sinner now, but I AM repenting of the sins I consciously make. This IS happening. At the very moment. Not tomorrow.. not in a few seconds, but NOW. I am sick and tired of waiting around for change. I AM embracing the change the God has promised me so many times in the bible. It is no longer in the future, it is now.

That is all.


i fell

So as you can see, I haven't exactly posted a blog in about 5 months. It's been a while. I feel like no one reads these, but that's ok. I like writing them because sometimes I just need to write out how I feel. Doing that is easier than talking to someone about it to me. I feel like I have to explain how I feel differently to people because each and every person interprets things a different way. Then I just feel like it's more of a battle to explain than a venting process. That's why I like to talk to my best friend Beckah because I don't have to elaborate or anything, she just knows how I feel. I'm sorry if you feel insulted or something, I'm not trying to insult anyone or put anyone down. I'm just writing out how I feel. I feel frustrated that me and Beckah haven't hung out for 3 months almost. I feel angry with myself that I can't control my actions around certain people. I feel convicted in my relationship with God because I'm not giving Him my whole life and trusting Him. I feel like I've turned towards the worldly desires of the world and forgotten the whole reason I started to love someone. I feel broken inside.


the reminder of His control.

I find it quite general to talk about how my snow day went, so for your best interest I'm not going to babble on about that. Today I was reminded of how in control God is in every possible way. He instruments the whole world and knows each and every person and their needs. I always feel so small when I talk to Him, but then I realize that He's God and He cares. He gives me wonderful friends, and has a purpose for them being in my life. Whether it's me being an example to them, or I'm learning more about God from them, it always seems to make sense in the end. This school year I wanted to grow as much as I possibly could, I thought that if I did the right thing and made sure I took all the steps then it would all work out the way I planned. God had other plans though. He showed me a couple weeks ago that it isn't me who decided when or when not to grow and mature. It's God. He will let me grow when He needs me to, not when I need me to. Anyway, God is powerful and in control, and that's something I've witnessed.


Feliz Ano Nuevo

This New Year is going to be a lot different than any other years. I've, in fact, made a list in my head of what I want to achieve this year. I hope you understand that I'm not going to post them because they're a little personal. I don't want to just let my goals go after two days though. I mean, most people make the revolution that they'll exercise more or something, and they just forget about it after a week. I'd rather not be that person. I want to stand up to my goals and make sure they know I'm not going to slouch. It's a hard task, I know, but I'm willing to take the challenge. This year I'm going to be different, I'm going to grow more spiritually than I have in any other year. Well, I really can't change how much I grow, but I want to take the steps into growing. Anyways, Happy New Year, Feliz Ano Nuevo, and all that jazz.