be more presentable.

I feel like every time I write these I have to express some great thing that I've learned over the past few days. To put it nicely, I haven't. I hear the same things every week, and I try to consume all the advice that I receive, but it doesn't always work. Lately, I've just been kind of moping around, and thinking mostly about myself. Which is horrible, and I know better. Sometimes I just don't feel like trying anymore, I feel like giving up because whats the use if I know I can't get it perfect? That's the problem with me, I don't like to do things that have big chances of me screwing up. So I don't explore my potential, because I'm too scared of not being perfect or even good enough for people. My parents and friends encourage me to get out of my little box and try to reach the best I can be.

I'm tired, and I need to sleep. Maybe tomorrow I might be able to present a better post.


Jump Little Children

All those days are gone
So she falls asleep every night just before dawn

And closes her eyes

As the sun starts to rise

'Cause all those days are gone

Sometimes she pretends

The sun it has finally begun to come to an end

Luminous nights

Of lonely streetlights

Sometimes she likes to pretend

She said that everybody wants to be here
Here where there's no one else around

Pull down all the shades

And try to forget how all of the memories fade

Memories that bled

A curtain bright red

Time to pull down the shades

She said that everybody wants to be here

Here where there's no one else around

-Jump Little Children


He's got the whole world in his hands.

My mother is my best friend. Yes I do admit, we fight at times and we ignore each other. In the end though, I know that I can go to her when I need advice or just someone to talk to. This is the work of God and only God. I would have never had this relationship with my mother if it wasn't for my wonderful sister, and surrounding friends, that have encouraged me to talk to her about issues in my life. I would still be living in a complete lie. It's hard to explain, but I was lying to her. Now that I can talk to her, it's pure bliss. I don't have to worry about it anymore, and I know that it's in God's hands. Everything is in his hands, which is why I am so close to my wonderful mother.


God knows me!

How is it that even one little notion of kindness can make my day? Today started out pretty bad, in fact, horribly bad. I didn't get up early enough to take a shower, and my ride came earlier than I expected. So I was rushing out the door while putting my hair up in a messy bun. First period started out with a big lecture about exploration of European countries, and I barely got a word from it. Second period was Algebra II, and I hadn't finished my homework so I didn't get credit for it. I was basically ready for the worst day ever.

Then I saw one of my friends in the hallway, and even though I expected them to not have lunch with me, they told me that they wanted to. So we did, and we had fun just like old friends do. It was so comforting to know that there was one person in the school who I can go to whenever I needed them. How beautiful is it that God can plan that out so perfectly? He knew I would meet this friend, and that we could depend on each other to be honest.

God is so wonderful.


thank you, Lord, for the food set before me

Wow, you know I never really realized how full you can get from a fast food meal. I just ate some Chik-fil-a and boy was it good. The warm chicken nuggets and the cold milkshake just makes me so happy inside my tummy. :]

Really though, I've never thought how easy it is for me to just go get some fast food, when some children never even see a hamburger their whole lives. I know that on TV they have those commercials about paying 50 cents a day for some kid, which is a really good idea, but are some people doing it just because they feel bad? Those cultures deal with starvation deaths every single day, it's probably a daily occurrence to hear someone dieing from lack of food. When here, we never even think about being hungry because the second we are we eat something. I guess my point is, is that we aren't thankful for the things we have, and with thanksgiving coming up I'm starting to think more and more about the privileges I have in my life. Which brings up the question, why do I only think about this around thanksgiving? It should be a daily thing to think about, and thank God.


music in my ears

Music has always been one of my great passions. I love listening to the sweet sound of a piano solo, or the blend of a band ensemble, or a choir singing with full hearts. Music doesn't define me, but it is a way for me to calm down, express my feelings, or just take me out of boredom.

Today, I was very bored with school being off. One of my very good friends told me to start a song of my own, just for the fun of it. I told him that I wouldn't be good enough, and I wasn't really capable of doing something so advanced. He told me that I could, and it wouldn't hurt to try because I shouldn't be convinced that I'm bad even before I start. So, I did. I started a song of my own, with chords I made up and with no words. I just started to create art, and it felt really good. It was something I could say, "Look I made this," and be proud. Well, I'm not sure about being proud of it, but I do like the beginning of it so far. For some reason I didn't really spend much time on it. I guess I felt like it'd be better done in supplements.

I don't really know how to end this, it's pretty exciting to talk about music. haha. Hopefully you can understand why I'm just leaving it here.